dear friends,
Living gently starts with living in your body, but if you’re anything like me, you and your body might have a moderately strained relationship. Full disclosure here: over the course of my life, I’ve had everything from a close relationship with my body (most of childhood) to anything but. There were stretches of time when I resented my body for not looking the way I wanted her to look. I would get irritated with her when she got sick, tired, or injured. I have certainly been a terrible friend. And still, she kept showing up for me.
As all bodies do, no matter how imperfectly. Our bodies are inextricably connected life, to our human vulnerabilities and our universal need for safety and happiness. While the mind can get caught up in stories that fuel resentment, fear, and isolation, our bodies bring us back to the deeper truth that we are all connected to each other and this planet.
I didn’t fully realize how disconnected I was to my body was until one day, while moving from one routine yoga pose to another, I felt an unpleasant twinge (okay, it was a sharp stabbing pain) in my right shoulder. Instead of falling into my old habit of pushing through the pain, I did something radical: whenever I felt a painful twinge in my right shoulder, I listened. I literally asked my shoulder what to do. The answer? Keep moving as long as it doesn’t hurt. So that’s what I did. I moved gently and carefully, listening to the nuances between discomfort (fine) and pain (not fine). And that’s when something magical happened: the gentleness spread from my body to my mind. At first, it was a few kind messages: “thank you for being able to move in this way” or “good job on holding that challenging pose.” And as the gentleness spread from the body to my mind, it also allowed me to relax into a kinder and gentler way of being in the world.
The shift is subtle and powerful. And it’s something I’ve now built into my days: simple routines and rituals to remind me of our shared humanness. I shoot for practices that nudge me, gently, away from whatever is obsessing my mind and toward just being there in the moment. I give myself permission to come back to whatever my obsession is after the practice (that speech I have to give, planning the itinerary for the next family trip, worrying about a diagnosis). When I do come back to my obsession, and I don’t aways, I do so with more wisdom and a broader perspective.
So, here are the steps I went through when I first started this practice. I come back to the questions whenever I feel I can use a little tuning in.
(1) Get a clear view of your emotional weather patterns. Before thinking about what kind of physical ritual makes sense for you, spend a little time observing how you move through the day. Pay attention to when you feel tired and when you feel energized. Notice when you tend to feel melancholy or content. When are you likely to be irritated by small things? Spend a week jotting everything down. If you’re like me, you’ll see some patterns. My anxious voice is loud just before dawn so a little sweat first thing in the morning helps me regain clear seeing. I also tend to feel sluggish after lunch, so I try to go for a quick walk to clear my head. If I don’t have time, I do some stretches that bring me back into my body. If none of this resonates, ask your own body. I suspect you’ll get some pretty good advice.
(2) Let you intuition guide you toward rituals that fit your needs (then test them out and change as necessary) When you find the right ritual, it will feel organic and natural. If you’re agitated, try something like tai chi or yin yoga. If you’re sluggish, experiment with dance or boxing. It doesn’t matter if what you do matches what anyone thinks makes sense. What matters is that you give your mind a rest. The goal is to reconnect with your physical self. Give it an honest try for a week or so, and then evaluate. Keep doing what works and let the rest go.
(3) Remember that consistency trumps intensity. Just do it is easier said than done. There will be times when you don’t have the time/energy/space let alone desire to do whatever it is you do. When that happens, remind yourself that doing your practice a little is better than not doing it at all. If you usually run three miles, but one day you only have time for a half a mile, do the half a mile. And feel proud. The tiniest moment of connection can shift your mindset.
(4) You can always come back. There will be times when you don’t or can’t. Life gets in the way. That’s not only okay, it’s great. Each time you come back after having paused, you strengthen your ability to be intentional. Like everything else in life, the more we practice coming back to our physical rituals, the more we’re able to relax into the routine with gentle ease.
That’s it for this week! Hope you find some little ways to build mind-body connection into your day. I’ll leave you with this quote from the Aṅguttara Nikāya: There is one thing that when cultivated and regularly practiced, leads to deep spiritual intention, to peace, to mindfulness and clear comprehension, to vision and knowledge, to a happy life here and now and to the culmination of wisdom and awakening. And what is that one thing? It is mindfulness centered on the body.
warmly,
alison
