I’m not delusional. I don’t think most of our political disagreements are going away any time soon. Many of the challenges we’re facing have complicated causes and powerful competing interests (a gun manufacturer is going to have a different take on the sale of weapons than the mother of a child injured in a school shooting; the owner of a chemical plant and a fisherman will have different profit motives for what resources to devote to keeping water clean). Still, I sense reason for optimism. Most of us, regardless of political stripe, want honest and thoughtful discussion instead of manipulative and purposefully divisive rhetoric. Disagreements are inevitable, hate doesn’t have to be.
How to do that?
Well, here are the questions I ask myself when I’m starting to slip into an angry state where I’m not open to seeing reality as it is or the humanity in a person who holds a different political viewpoint:
(1) Are you open to changing your mind? Imagine you have houseplants. On Monday, you believe that your succulent and your hydrangea need the same amount of water. On Tuesday, your gardening friend stops by and tells that too much water will kill your succulent. On Wednesday, you can either water both plants the same as you did the week before or you can alter your behavior now that you have better information. It’s not complicated. When it comes to little things, like watering plants, most of us skillfully let go of unhelpful thinking. But we get so attached to our political opinions. It’s hard to admit that we have gotten so tied to our views that we mistake our thoughts about reality for reality itself. I have my own favorite opinions and have to remind myself over and over again to see life as it is, not as I think it is or as I want it to be. So, the next time you feel absolutely certain of your view, take a second look.
(2) Can you connect on a human level with someone who disagrees with you? This question isn’t about liking people you think behave egregiously. It’s not about letting people who have done wrong off the hook. This question is not about them at all: it’s about you. Are you a person who can disagree with a politician’s position while at the same time holding compassion for the fact that his child is in the hospital with an uncertain prognosis? Are you able to see the humanity in others even if you disagree with them on important issues? If you can’t, it’s a pretty clear indication that it’s time to open your heart to your own humanity.
(3) Is the position you support an honorable one? The dictionary defines honor as upright, honest, just, conscientious, and scrupulous. It’s hard to square that description with any position or person condoning dishonesty, violence, threats of violence, humiliation or cruelty. If the idea you support relies on emotional bluster by stoking anger, resentment or fear, it’s a clear invitation to reconsider the wisdom of the position.
Politicians and partisans may claim that it doesn’t matter if they bend the truth or support threats of violence. But we all know that it does matter. Deeply. No matter what your political persuasion, let’s make honorable political discussion non-negotiable. Today.
