dear gentle friends,
We make decisions all the time. Big ones, little ones, medium-sized ones. Where to live, what to make for dinner, who to vote for, whether to rsvp yes or no, how to spend the next four minutes. Given how many decisions each of us makes every single day, we should all be really good at making choices that serve us well without harming the world around us.
Hmmm.
This topic is on my mind because I recently faced a medical decision that I could put off making for a very long time. So, before I made the decision whether to decide, I reviewed how I’ve made choices throughout my life. A pretty clear pattern emerged:
I’ve spent most of my adult life making decisions based on what I could comprehend intellectually: spreadsheets of possibilities, research about consequences, lists of thoughts and justifications. Before the age of twelve, though, I made decisions largely informed by what I sensed in my body: paying attention to butterflies in my stomach before letting my horse gallop too fast; sensing my chest tighten whenever a church leader said something that didn’t seem very Christ-like, feeling my heart melt when my grandma hugged me.
The sensations imparted as much information as what I could articulate verbally, yet somewhere on the way to adulthood, the thinking self took over. And the thinking self told me that somatic information was less reliable and certainly not as logical as what my mind came up with. The irony, of course, is that the human mind is highly susceptible to both suggestion and deception. Have you ever ignored the knot in your stomach when all your reasons pointed to yes? How did it work out?
Because living gently is grounded in accepting what is, a gentle choice practice must balance the reality that we humans live in bodies with minds. We all have somatic and intellectual wisdom. Even if listening to your own physical wisdom never becomes your thing, the practice of slowing down to listen is a benefit in itself. If you’d like to try out a new approach to decision making, here’s my gentle practice:
(1) Connect with quiet every day
It’s never easy to hear the voices that whisper. Our world is loud. If you don’t consciously carve out time in your day to get quiet, it probably won’t happen. How to connect is up to you: meditation, prayer, qigong, solitary walks. You don’t have to reach a state of transcendent peace, the point is that you get to know how your body and mind feel in different states: agitated, anxious, happy, calm, afraid, open. The process of really paying attention to your body sensations may be unfamiliar or even uncomfortable for all kinds of understandable reasons. Honor that, and then come back to the practice. It’s important to know what your own state of calm feels like because if you want to make good choices, that’s when you’re best able to see the world clearly and make skillful choices.
(2) Let your mind do what it does, then give your body time to process
Your mind is very good at coming up with decisions and reasons for those decisions. Let it. And then give your body a chance to weigh in. Sit with your imagined choice. Do you feel calm or anxious? Is your heart open or tight? Get curious about what comes up.
I went through this process when I decided to schedule an MRI. When my mind suggested I procrastinate, the tension in my stomach let me know that the wiser course was to deal with reality now. Once that decision was made, I had to face a second reality: I’m claustrophobic. My mind got caught up in a fear loop simply because I was thinking about a closed-in, cave-like scanner. When I let my mind’s palpitations settle, though, my body shifted to resolve. The body is practical. It was curious about how to best get through the 15-20 minutes in that long, narrow tunnel?
My mind suggested reciting my standard meditation mantras to keep racing thoughts at bay. My body reminded me to bring a wool wrap because the only thing worse than being trapped is being trapped and cold.
I followed both suggestions.
(3) Make your choice when you sense your own calm wisdom
That’s it.
Once your choice has been vetted by your mind’s checklists and your body has had a chance to weigh in, go ahead and move on. And if the choice doesn’t go to plan, don’t worry, you’ll have another chance to practice.
Would love to know what you think!
warmly,
alison
P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about somatic wisdom, please check out the work of Matthew Sanford, the founder of the non-profit organization Mind Body Solutions that specializes in adapting yoga for all bodies.
