dear gentle friends,
In the last several weeks, I’ve been the recipient of so much drop-whatever-they’re-doing kindness, seriously-time-consuming help, roll-up-their-sleeves physical labor, and all-around generosity of spirit that even the most cynically-minded human would have to reconsider our species’ capacity for compassion.
On the evening of Thanksgiving, I landed at the Salt Lake City airport and was warmly welcomed — on a moment’s notice — at an already-full Thanksgiving table. Over the following few weeks, friends and family took on tasks ranging from feeding and vaccinating not-particularly-friendly cats, cleaning a house that would give even the bravest of souls reason to back out, sorting through stacks of unopened mail, thinking through details to make an often-demanding man comfortable in new surroundings, and checking in on me. The list goes on.
In a season focused on saying thank you for material things, I’d like cultivate a spirit of being grateful for kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion and caring. All of us need help at some point in our lives. Cultivating the practice of expressing our gratitude connects us with the truth of human interconnection: there are times when we need help and times when we can offer it. Saying thank you, with specificity and whole-heartedness, honors that truth.
It’s clear to me that I’ll never be able to repay the kindness and help I’ve received from family, friends, and strangers alike in the last few weeks. What is also clear to me is that nothing in life is guaranteed. A future ideal moment to say what is in your heart may never come. The practice I’m working on right now is to move past the social discomfort of expressing deep and honest gratitude and saying those meaningful things anyway. Sure, it feels a little vulnerable, maybe even scary or silly, but I’m finding the pay off for really saying thank you is worth the discomfort.
(1) Start by saying thank you to strangers for little things
There’s an SLC airport restaurant that makes a quinoa-farro salad that lasts long enough for me to have a lovely lunch on my flight back to NYC. This morning when the very friendly cashier handed me my salad, I said thank you *and* told her that this salad made my travel day more pleasant. She told me she had become fan of arugala because of the salad. The entire conversation took less than a minute, but we were both smiling when I walked away. The next time you can personalize your thank you – to a barista, a cashier, a valet, a flight attendant, anyone who is helping you – please do. You’ll be connecting to our shared humanity.
(2) Express your thanks to the people who have gone out of their way
It’s easy to take kindness for granted. This practice is about being mindful about all of the kind things our fellow humans do for us. It may be your adult daughter sends a text to check in and tell you she loves you, it may be a work colleague who wishes you safe travels, or a friend who offers to water your plants while you’re away. Get nuanced and sensitive about how many people offer kindnesses, big and small. Feel their kindness. Accept it, and accept that it can’t be repaid, it can only be gratefully accepted. Whatever you’re feeling in your heart, let them know. It can be something silly like, “omg! thank you for opening that box so that I can save my manicure for the event tomorrow” or serious, like “I don’t know what I would do without a brother like you.” The point is, do it in the moment — by text, email, dm, or old-fashioned fountain pen to paper. Tomorrow isn’t promised.
(3) When you have the opportunity to be the one who can help, be that person
Life is never easy. And our current environment is as not-easy as most of us can remember. When you can help, please do, with the grateful soul that you can be the one helping this time.
That’s it for this week. May you flow with the stream of kindness that connects us all.
warmly,
alison
