My inner worrier likes to wake me up in the middle of the night to make sure that I’m aware of every possible thing that go wrong that day and, just in case I didn’t get the message that I should be in a constant state of anxiety, that same voice will remind me about the calamities I may face ten years from now. She has reasons for everything and sweats the details. Once upon a time, I believed everything she had to say because she was so insistent and reasonable-sounding, but as I’ve gotten to know her better it’s clear to me that even though “Anxious Alison” can be a competent personal assistant, she lacks higher-level qualities necessary for skillful decision-making. In other words, she thinks every molehill is on its way to becoming a mountain. So, what do I do when I want to get back to sleep gently—and quickly?
This is my practice:
(1) Greet your anxious self with kindness. Instead of getting annoyed that you woke up and before you address the substance of the worry, simply notice that this is your anxious self. I actually say, “Ah, hello Anxious Alison. I see you’re worried. Would you like a cup of tea?”
(2) Determine if your anxiety has something useful to say. I’ve spent hours worrying about things that never happened, but every now and then my anxious self has reminded me about something I really needed to do: confirm the date on a contract, make sure the kids’ passports were renewed, attend to some niggly detail I had forgotten about.
(3) If there is something useful, note it and say thank you. I text myself a note, gently put my hand on my chest, and say thanks for the heads up.
Since I’ve started this practice, my relationship with Anxious Alison has transformed. She used to show up a lot, wringing her hands about the sky falling, and she would stay for hours. Now, she doesn’t show up that much. When she does stop by, there is usually a concrete reason. And she goes on her way quickly, often without finishing her tea. And me? I go back to sleep.
