hello gentle friends,
I’m heartbroken as I come to my keyboard. Words seem inadequate. It’s painful to watch neighbors perpetrate horrific violence upon neighbors. Again. Again. Humans forgetting that we’re all in this together, that we all want the same things: to be safe, free from suffering, healthy and happy. We want to be treated fairly and with dignity. All of us.
I honor this sadness. I sit with it, letting it settle, and allow the heaviness in my heart remind me that I’m not alone. I’m one of millions who feel the suffering on this planet.
I also honor that it’s time to shift the energy, even if only in a small and gentle way.
And that’s where the 6 train comes in. The subway stop for the 6 is two blocks from our apartment. It’s my train. And whether it’s hot and sticky or cold and wet, there’s one thing I always see on the 6: micro-kindnesses.
Humans of every age, gender, color, shape, and persuasion share this rectangle of 8 feet 9 inches (2.67 m) by 51 feet (15.54 m). In peace, with kindness. I see a teenage boy in a Ferxxo t-shirt give up his seat so that a young mother with a toddler in tow can sit down. The gray-haired man with rather impressive tattoos moves aside wordlessly to make it easier for an exhausted woman in scrubs to get by. The tall, model-beautiful woman standing next to me moves her arm so that all 5’ 3” inches of my body can reach something to hold on to when the train hits a bumpy patch.
All of these micro-kindnesses emerge from a shared understanding of our humanity. It happens without grand gestures, maybe without anyone noticing at all. And yet we all sense it. Our hearts warm when we witness others being thoughtful and kind, doing what they can to make life a little more easeful for fellow humans.
All of which inspired this practice:
(1) Spot Micro-kindnesses
It takes practice to see. Start small. Put your screen down for a few minutes while standing in line waiting for groceries. Notice when the cashier and the customer in front of you exchange friendly words about the terrible weather. Look around when you’re at the airport and see the TSA agent help the young dad with his three sleepy kids. The young girl in the elevator who picks up the glove for the elderly gentleman who dropped it. This is a practice that can be done anywhere and everywhere. I sometimes make a game of seeing how many micro-kindnesses I can spot before before I get off the train. 10 in four stops is the current record.
(2) Hold your warm-heartedness a few beats longer than you normally would
This is a strange and very important step. Rick Hanson, psychologist, senior fellow at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, and New York Times best-selling author, has written extensively about the process of turning a state into a trait. One of the key steps of cultivating a trait is to really let the moment sink in when it happens. When you feel something nice, but don’t engage fully with it, the experience is fleeting. When you spend a little time and energy, though, you’re practicing a new way of being. The next time you spot a micro-kindness, give the warmth in your heart time to reach your soul.
(3) Extend your own micro-kindness whenever and wherever you can
If we want to raise the bar of human interaction, we have to raise the bar in our human interactions. In keeping with the commitment to live gently, extending micro-kindnesses should not be a goal or a burden. It’s a shift in being. The next time you see a young parent struggling to hold a door open while pushing a stroller through it, take an extra few seconds to help. Genuinely thank the barista who makes your morning coffee, even if they don’t seem to notice. Hold your tongue when someone inadvertently bumps into you on the street (extra points if you can silently wish them well). All of this is doable, and if we all do, we will shift the world for the better, if only by a little.
I’d love to know what micro-kindnesses you see and extend. If you’re in the headspace to share, please do.
warmly,
alison
