dear friends,
Okay, I admit it: the title of this newsletter sounds too good to be true. Depending on your age cohort, it may sound like something a wellness influencer on TikTok would say or a pitch from a late night infomercial. Maybe a YouTuber selling something? There’s definitely a hyperbolic tone that might be setting off all sorts of alarm bells in your head.
And you’re not wrong to be skeptical.
But, this experiment costs nothing, only requires a slight shift in thinking, and a little effort toward awareness. And, it will be over when you wake up tomorrow.
I confess, it took me thirty days and a face plant to come around, but I didn’t have any idea what I was doing at the time. Four years into exploring gentleness as a mode de vie (as the French would put it, and the part of me that loves French phrases because, well, there is a certain je ne sais quoi, right?), I’ve made some refinements to make this life experiment simpler, more intuitive, and (dare I say?) gentler.
So: Why not?
Whenever I realize I’ve dropped into an overwhelmed/striving/sad/irritated energy pattern, I dedicate the day to this full-on gentleness practice. It never fails to leave me feeling more spacious, grounded, and peaceful.
Here it is:
(1) When you become aware of a thought, emotion, of feeling tone, ask yourself if you’re responding to it with harshness or gentleness. Most of the time, the question alone is enough to restore a sense of openness, but if not, get specific and real. If you’re pushing yourself toward a goal (running a marathon? writing a book? starting a business or major project?) discern whether the energy propelling you forward is harsh or gentle. If it’s harsh, greet that harshness with gentleness. When the harshness sneaks back in — and it will — just meet it again (and again) with gentleness.
(2) Before you speak/write/post, ask yourself if your vibe is gentle. This is a question that demands being scrupulously honest with yourself. It’s easy to let yourself off the hook if the words you choose are technically polite, but the underlying energy isn’t exactly that. I’ve been there, and I can say that pretending that your intention is one thing (polite) when it’s another (passive-aggressive) is never skillful. If your vibe isn’t clean, ask yourself how you can get your point across more gently. You’ll be surprised out how others and the universe will respond when you take care with how you communicate.
(3) When you take any external action today, think about how you can make it gentle. Literally everything in life can be done with more gentleness: going for your morning run, replying to the demanding email of an often-sour co-worker, helping your frustrated second-grader with homework, responding to your very own inner critic. Everything. It’s a radical choice in a world where loud/harsh/angry seem to be the only settings on the dial, but try being gentle instead … just for today. Decide for yourself: Does gentleness offers more and better ways to move forward in your life? Does it alter the energy of others around you? Does it help you become more of the person you would like to be?
…and that’s it. I hope this practice is as helpful for you as it has been, and continues to be, for me. Have a great week!
warmly,
alison
